Spring Break has come and gone. It seemed like it just flew by, leaving us with only a few eye-batting-what-was-that moments.maybe because this has been a busy spring break. So much so, that I cannot recall most of it. What I do recall is, finally getting soil and being convicted. Yes, convicted.
The surprise cost of 3 cubic yards of soil was much more than I had anticipated for our garden. So much so that I accepted that we wouldn't be able to fill our raised beds. After I had phoned a few distributors, I literally said to my hubs “not No, but h-e-double hockey sticks no”. There was no way I could justify the cost (right now). I even planted half of one of the bigger boxes thinking we would make do.
Saturday morning came and the Hubs had been to drop the kids off with his parents. On the way back he stopped by a landscaping lot that we drive by every time we head to Manning. He did so just to see what they had to offer. They were such amazing people that they met us after hours so we could get some reasonably priced top soil. The cost was about $30 for our truck full. Blue Moon Landscaping has by far been the best customer service oriented facility I have seen in a long time. And they have great products.
So the soil is in. The boxes are not completely full, but we figured hey, it’s a start and we are trying to be budget friendly here. We filled holes, seeded, put in a bed and literally worked all day. We got as much done as we could and went to get the kids back.
We met his parents at his sister’s house in Pinewood, had a fun egg hunt and she invited me to one of her church’s events. It sounded like fun, so I was in. Little did I know what would take place at that event.
That Thursday I made my way back to Pinewood. Before I get started with this part, I want to say that I believe in God. However, I have never felt the need to know the Bible inside and out, or discuss really anything about it with others. I looked at it as a personal “thing”. With that said, let’s move forward.
I get there, meet up with my sister in-law and we head to the church. It was quite lovely. The tables were all set with fine china and decorated in a manner that suited each person’s personality that sponsored the individual table. The men were the servers and sported a black tie. The food was catered and door prizes were handed out. The guest speaker was Dawndy Mercer Plank and what a speaker she is. As she spoke, I started to get that tight knot in my throat. You know the one that is paired with pursed lips? As I listened to her, it became very clear to me that it was no accident that I was present. Her words about being “F-I-N-E” described exactly how I’ve become, Frustrated-Insecure-Neurotic-Exhausted. I was so worried about fitting in, being accepted by the “right crowd” (whoever they are), focused on injustices and looking forward to what I want to do with my life that I was missing it. I was missing the life that was going on right in front of me and I got so exhausted trying to keep up.
She gave several situations that were her own tests. But the one that struck me was, when she was given a specific verse to guide her. And that’s when I knew how important it really is to know Gods words.
When the supper was over, I made the hour drive home and had plenty of time to think. To think about all the directions I've been pulled, about how easily my eyes have been shifted away from what IS important. How I have already wished away so many sweet moments. I was so moved that I pulled over in the Food Lion parking lot to write down a few things I was thinking. This is a bit of what I wrote that night in the parking lot.
“Well, I’m pretty blown away with God’s Love. You see, I have been having a difficult time with a number of things lately. Being pulled so many directions, I have become all that she spoke of. Gods calling me back and tonight he was pretty direct. Giving me answers to the many, many questions I have been asking. He spoke to me as if I was the only one in the room, and I wanted to bawl like a child who has been busted telling a lie. Conviction is a beautiful thing, and it’s why I sit in this lot writing my story.”
Receiving this message has given me the perspective that I really needed. I’m kinder to my children, more empathetic in rough situations and quite frankly, I am relieved to be able to stop trying to empress people. I can breathe deep and know I am loved.