It wasn't until my wonderful husband brought me back to reality. He simple said "Everyone would understand ".
When he said that, I was thinking, to myself of course, right. I mean it's a party, there are expectations..
Then something beautiful happened that gave me peace. My two darling children under the age of three started giggling. And that is when I truly started to enjoy the party. Before a guest ever got here, before a cup cake got frosted or a game got started.
Well the truth is that it's not because I want to give Daisy a wonderful memory. I mean she is only a year old. Don't get me wrong, I would love for her to remember, but that's just not reality.
What I was doing, unconsciously of course, was giving myself the best birthday a kid could have as an adult. all the things I dreamed of as a child all wrapped up in my daughters 1st birthday.
I know that is kind of well, just wrong but at least I had been given the insight to see it early on so I don't become "that mom' again and again.